Raw Emotions

Excited! The nurse said since alarms went off when I walked in and that's what it all means in Andie's world right now.... Okay then, at least she didn't tell me to get lost and drive back home!
Right now without regard for being polite or how it makes people feel or anything other than where she is at that moment in time you can see what she's feeling and going through by reading her face.
In my notes from today I wrote: Confused, Amused, Sad, Irritated, Inquisitive.
There seems to be a rhythm to her rest and activity but the nurses have said it's hard to rest there with all the "normal" ICU sounds and with the fact that they do wake the patients at least every hour just to be sure that they still wake up.
There are some very active times - Oh... was she unhappy about me and the nurse putting a mitt on her hand so she couldn't pull out the feeding tube going into her stomach.
Boy, did that hand flap around and did she make all kinds of frowns even when she saw it coming at her and later just because the mitt was there. Sorry, but I didn't want to even take a chance of things being pulled out. I was able to hold her hand under the mitt but it was a big deal to her. We knew her intent... get this off!!!! NOW!!!
I tell her "Look At Me!" when I have something important to say to her about what's going on- and she usually does. The whole time I'm telling her that she's in a good place and she's with good people and to try to get better anat times you can see : Wild eyes and unbelieving eyes and left leg trying to go over the bedrail and once trying to kick near my head... alrighty then, good exercize in a case like this - maybe she does want me to go home??
Her left hand reached out and petted my sleeve and she pulls on my bracelet and pats our hands when she's in good humor all while moving her left leg.
The trach tube seems like a better situation for breathing. Still general discomfort.
At times when she's moving about we can see the frustration / sadness that her right side is not doing what she wants it to do.
She was just irritated in general early today and when we came back she seemed to be asleep and though Mom and I stayed for quite a while there was not much more than an eyebrow lift or two as we talked in the room. They did switch up the pain meds so maybe that's the reason for the difference.
I hope each day we'll Keep Moving Forward.